How to Avoid the Friend Zone by Bobby Rio


Hey Bobby,

When I asked you why I always wind up in the friend zone, even though I am good at flirting, you said because I need to be more “sexually assertive.”  Can you explain how to be more sexually assertive?”


I’m going to ask you a question that may seem strange.  Have you ever driven a stick shift car?

If you’ve ever driven a stick shift car you know that the car can go from 1st gear to 5th gear.  You start out rather slowly in first gear, but very quickly the car’s revving engine will let you know you need to shift into second gear.  You can only drive in second for a very short period before you need to shift into third gear.  If at any point, you continue driving without shifting gears… You fuck the car up.

Well, you need to look at talking to women the same way.  When you start talking to her you’re in first gear.  This is a nice friendly conversation.  If you want to continue to build attraction, you need to switch into second gear quickly.  In second gear, you’re creating a connection with her.  But once you start feeling that connection, its time to shift into third gear.  Third gear is where you express a sexual intent.

Just like you can fuck up a car’s transmission if you aren’t continually shifting gears, you can fuck up any sort of attraction a woman feels for you.  You need to be continually taking the interaction to the next level, never letting it plateau.

Here is an example of a conversation shifting gears:

(The both of you have been lightly flirting and everything is being said playfully)

You:  I can’t believe you like Lady Gaga.  She’s so weird.

Her:  Shut up.  You’re probably a closet Lady Gaga fan.  I can imagine you sitting home alone,with your Ipod, listening to Lady Gaga singing out loud.  hahaha

You:  You better watch out or you’re going to get spanked little girl.

Her:  Oh, did i embarrass you…haha?

You:  We are totally having a pillow fight later… And I’m not gonna go light on you just because you’re a girl.

Her:  I’ll totally beat you in a pillow fight.

You:   I’m like the world champion of pillow fighting.  I have to warn you… I’m also known to be merciless at tickle wars…. So if you start to get naughty.. you’ll feel my wrath.

6265155_mOk.  Did you notice how I shifted gears into a more sexual frame?  The conversation started with Lady Gaga, but by the end of it we were talking about rolling around her bed tickling each other and acting “naughty”.  (Something friend’s don’t do)

So that would be like shifting from second to third gear.

Now let me give you an example of how you can shift from third gear into fourth gear.  Remember, you need to keep shifting gears, because if the attraction revs up too high in one gear and you don’t shift gears… you can blow it up.

Her:  Don’t even think about it.  I hate being tickled.

You:  (holding out your pinky)  I pinky swear that unless you’re acting really really naughty, I promise not to tickle you

(as soon as you let go off her pinky… tickle her)

Her:  (smiling and laughing) I hate you.  That was so mean.

You:  You know what?  I didn’t notice it before but you’ve got a really sexy smile.

Ok, did you see how you once again shifted gears?  You went from joking around about tickling to actually getting a little physical and first getting her hand in yours for a “pinky swear” and then tickling her.

But more importantly, at the end you said “You’ve got a really sexy smile.”

What is so important about that last line is that it leaves no room for misinterpretations.  It just totally lets her know that the two of you have just been flirting, and that you find her sexually attracted.

I have a term I called “Sexualized Fun.”  This means that you need to add an element of sexuality to all of the fun you’re having with a woman.

Things like pillow fights and tickling are usually “sexy” things you do in the bedroom with your girlfriend.  This creates a sexually charged feeling to the interaction.

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